


Taako Bell protects Angus Beef

by Puregold



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bonding, But nothing bad actually happens, Found Family, Gen, Team as Family, also a warning for some violence later on, its basically like that scene w mr jellybean from rick & morty for context, just in case anyone is triggered by it, spoiler: its the pedo gettin his butt beat, that underage is there bc angus has a close call w/ a grosso
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9465254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puregold/pseuds/Puregold
Summary: Taako lets Angus tag along with him for a simple shopping trip to the surface. The kid's been so good, that he even treats themselves with a meal out. Unfortunately, Angus has a close call with some weirdo in the bathroom, but Taako's gotcha covered.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make it very clear that I am not fetishizing rape or pedophilia, ya nasty.  
> ALSO super huge apology if you were unlucky enough to catch a glimpse at my accidentally-posted draft of a fic. I can and will explain w/ notes at the end bc I'm SO EMBARASSED!!!

"I wish Magnus would stop drinking all the goddamn milk. I need it for my morning cup 'a joe!" Said Taako as he made his way down the aisles of Rockport's Fantasy Wholefoods, with Angus McDonald tagging along by his side.

"Sir, when you said we were going shopping, I imagined it'd be to the Fantasy Costco. After all, it is closer, and much more convenient." Piped up Angus innocently as he hovered nearby, observing other customers in the store with a close eye.

"Oh, hush up." Replied Taako as he waved his hand dismissively, parking his cart by the dairy aisle. "I have more to get than just groceries. Plus, Fantasy Wholefoods is better, everyone knows that. And I'm a chef! I don't eat the cheap stuff." Taako continued, talking to a half-listening Angus as he looked over two different brands of milk. "Besides, I'm also shopping for clothes. Fantasy Costco is great for a snuggie and a chillaxation shirt, but that's no bueno for date night.~"

Taako then swished his hips flirtatiously as he decided on the less expensive milk. Of course, it would have been a lot more flirtatious if he were wearing something other than a stained, over-sized pink t-shirt and black leggings. 

"Angus, honey, could you go fetch me some tomatoes? The good ones. You know what I'm talkin' about."

"Yes, Sir!" Beamed Angus as he scampered off excitedly. The only _real_ reason Taako had taken Angus along was because it'd be easier to get all the shit he needed quicker. Not because he wanted to spend time with the little shit. Nope.

The rest of their grocery shopping went as smoothly as it could have gone. Afterward, Taako took Angus to check out some clothes with him, but, let's be honest, the kid was a _total_ fashion disaster. Nerd alert! I mean, he wanted Taako to wear this blue floor-length gown and robe with stars scattered across it. Are you kidding? That'd put Kravitz to sleep! Instead, Taako chose a large, fluffy, cheetah-print coat coupled with a black tank-top and a zebra print short skirt. He finished the outfit off with a small, black top hat. Angus cringed at Taako's outfit selection, but just gave him a thumbs up instead of saying anything.

"It's called fashion, Angus." Said Taako with a huff as he flicked his hair over his shoulder and changed back into his original 'lazy' outfit to pay.

On their way back through town, Taako waited an appropriate amount of time after pretending not to hear Angus's tummy growl before clearing his throat and pointing at a nearby Fantasy Applebees. "Phew! Tough day. Lotta walking. What say you we, uh, treat ourselves, compadre?"

Taako winked at Angus as he light up with a wide-eyed grin. "Yes, please, Sir! That'd be amazing!"

Taako ruffled the kids' hair affectionately as they made their way into the restaurant, placed their orders, and were seated.

As Taako looked over the menu, Angus slid out of his seat, making his way towards the back of the restaurant. "I've gotta use the restroom, Sir. Be right back. Love you!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Replied Taako with a grin. "Hurry up, or I'll order without you!"

Angus then hurried off to the bathroom with a slight giggle, heading into the boys. It was a relatively small restroom. There were only a few stalls, and one other cowboy-looking fellow in the same restroom. Angus thought it strange that the man lingered as he pottied and went to wash his hands, but decided to just shrug it off. Maybe he was waiting for someone. 

"Hey there, kiddo. You here with your parents?" Said the man with a sly grin as he leaned over the sink next to Angus.

"No. I'm here with my co-worker and mentor. He took me shopping with him today." Replied Angus in a polite, but friendly tone.

"Co-worker? Well, what kinda work could you possibly be doin, little boy?" Said the cowboy as he slid a hand down snake-like to pinch Angus's butt.

Angus, made immediately uncomfortable by the man's actions, turned to leave. "Goodbye, Sir. Please don't touch me, it's-"

He was cut off short as the man suddenly grabbed his wrist from behind and yanked him back, slapping his other hand across Angus's mouth. "Hush up, boy, if you know what's good for you."

The man's breath was heavy and stinky in Angus's ear as he struggled against his hold, shivering as he felt something hard poking at him from behind. With no hesitation, Angus rolled up his sleeve and jammed his fist into the man's gut, launching an arrow from his mini crossbow directly into him.

The man, taken by surprise, released Angus and sputtered backward, cursing and covering his wound with his hands. Angus quickly bolted from the bathroom, back at Taako's side in a flash and tugging at his shirt.

"S-Sir? Um, perhaps we c-could leave, or eat somewhere else, m-maybe?"

Taako looked down at the boy with shock. Angus's hair had been messed up, and he looked rather flustered, even on the verge of tears. Taako placed two careful hands on Angus's shoulders as the cowboy burst out of the bathroom door with a grim look. Most of the restaurant had noticed his sudden entrance, and, with shame, he turned to leave.

Taako heard Angus whimper, and everything suddenly clicked into place. He took a deep breath and turned back to Angus with a smile. "Angus, darling, are you all right? I know I like to give you shit all the time but if something serious happened, or if someone tried to hurt you, you can tell me. Actually, _please_ tell me."

Angus was bewildered by the change in his mentor's tone and actions. Trying to regain his composure, he fixed his hair and glasses before speaking. "Um, the cowboy that left the bathroom... May have been engaged in an altercation with me."

Taako nodded curtly. "Well, then. I see. Gimme like, two seconds, Ango. Taako's got this." He then gave Angus a wink as he stood from the booth. "Wait here for me, would you? And if anymore strangers come along trynna hurt my boy, I'll be out back. Come get me."

Angus nodded and tucked himself into their booth to look over the menu as Taako made his way outside, following the bloody trail of the cowboy pedo. Taako's blood, honestly, was boiling at the idea of some creep trying to hurt his kid. He means, his _student_. He was on his own since he was 12, travelling with strangers all across the land. Of course more than a few tried to take advantage of him. Some of them even succeeded. So, in conclusion, _hell no_ was someone gonna hurt Angus and get away with it.

Soon enough, Taako found the man hunched over in an alleyway not far from the Fantasy Applebees, clutching his wound. Taako grinned at the sight of Angus's hit. Take that, asshole.

"Hey." Chimed Taako, catching the attention of cowboy pedo. "You messed with the wrong man's magic boy, buckeroo."

"Your kid, he, uh, he's crazy!" Said the man, eyes frantic and searching for an excuse. "I-I slipped, trying to grab the soap, and he-he shot me!"

Taako laughs, stroking his umbra stuff with a menacing grin. "OK, at first I was just gonna pop off a few magic missiles at your pedophile ass, but now that you're straight up trynna just deny it an pin it on my kid, here comes the fireball."

And with that, Taako fires one off, bringing the guy to the brink of death as he slumps over on the ground, barely conscious. Taako struts on over and stands over the man's body, leaning down with a glare.

"If I _ever_ catch you trynna creep on Angus, or any other kid, again, you're a dead man. You're lucky I don't kill you now." And, with that, Taako left the man, heading back inside the Fantasy Applebees to enjoy a nice meal with his beautiful magic boy. 

As they finished up, and Taako payed the bill, Angus leaned over with a shy smile. "Thank you for, uh, taking care of things with that guy, Mister Taako."

Taako waved his hand dismissively as they got up to leave. "Not even a problem, my man. Taako's got you covered. I've dealt with quite a few creeps like that in my time, and here's a tip." He then leans down to whisper in Angus's ear. "Aim for the dick next time."

Angus giggles, and the two of them fist bump before heading off to return to the moon base.

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god I felt SO ICKY writing that scene with cowboy pedo holy FUK  
> Bois look out for their bois!! Hope ya liked.  
> About the fic thing, I was tired last night but still wanted to write like a modern AU fic, so I got all the tags and stuff together but just... Posted instead of saved.... Ugh I was so embarrassed 2 open up ao3 in French class and have messages from a fic that I didn't kno I had posted being like "dude". Honestly I want 2 die pls kill me I am so sorry. I might do the modern AU thing in the future but that embarrassment is hot fresh in the face 4 me rn.sd  
> Pester me on tumblr here if u want: http://puregold666.tumblr.com/


End file.
